STORIE x(
Friday, June 30, 2006
i tot i told you not to breathe a word to him? and you even said, yes yes i wont. now? the reason i donwan you to say it to him is cos i donwan him to think he cant trust me. afterall, i told you becos i tot you shld know. telling him you got to know it from me is such not a good idea. i know you love him. still, there's no reason to go behind my back and ask him about the things i
specifically told you not to say to him. now i feel like a freaking fucker/backstabber. great.
jo smsed me just now, asking why. i told her. and she din reply. great. i tot, better say. don hide stuff. in the end? she doesnt reply. bahh.
fuck life.
;9:29 AM
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
everytime i'm in this place called a home, i always don't feel i'm appreciated. mama seems not to have a problem splurging and spending on abg. but when it comes to me, she's so tight about money matters. like i've been the one spending all the money unnecessarily. like whatever lah eh. i'm not gonna bother anymore. ((:
i seriously feel iggie is putting on such a great act. really. he's so different. zy was cute today. haha. don't know why. don't ask. =P
visited nette today. imma happy girl. ((: you know why? cos i had so much fun! xP YAY.
;3:36 AM
Monday, June 26, 2006
mood was totally gone after recess. the heart felt very very very heavy, like a chain tugging it. i know i said, i din care, but deep down, i can't deny it has affected me. i keep telling myself, why bother with this kind of people. but.. still, i can't. though i still don't know who the fucking hell they are, still they manage to affect me so much, till the tears dropped during lesson. what did i do to you. why am i going through this. i thought it was over. back then, in sec1, i too experienced it. but it was only with the close friends. like zyla, jolene, malia and syah. they told me about it and i tried changing. well, if i still do walk like that, there's nth i can do right. letting me off on account of my brother? that's very very nice. =X isn't it my body afterall? does it bother you so much? even if i dao, it has nth to do with any of you. as long as i don't harm you, why the fucking hell should you bother abt me? yeah, how great i can write all this, acting like i don't care but deep down, i do. i just broke down in the sch toilet during maths. joyce said, it doesn't matter what they think, cause i got my frens all ard me, who love me for who i am. no matter how i walk, or how i behave, or how i embarass them, they'll still love me all the same. sigh. =( its a depressing thought. it is. and i thought when sch reopen, it'll be fine. but noooo. i totally changed during phy. i think i finally realise what dong felt when we told him everything. you just cant see the fault in you. but you can see every single wrong fault of others even how minor they are. my way of walking, won't kill anyone right. so? what's the big deal? imagine if my brother wasn't in the school. my fate will be sealed. =/
i still don't feel reassured about jo & eunice. slowly, painfully, i know i'm losing them. sigh. and i feel i'm losing gerald, zhenxu too. i don't know why. its been
months since i last talked to zhenxu. and when i say talk, i mean really talk. not just a simple hello, how are you & bye. i guess, the old ones have to make way for the new ones. and i think matthew is not okay. he seemed very very down just now. =X what a bad day for both of us.
i don't know if i can trust iggie anymore. the stories i've heard about him, from realiable people, and the guy he potrays himself to be infront of me is very very different. am i being just over sensitive?
i didn't know i'll potray myself as an object of much hatred by lots. ='(
;2:52 AM
Sunday, June 25, 2006
By the time you read this, you've already read it says:
i wan banana
By the time you read this, you've already read it says:
i wan eunice!
By the time you read this, you've already read it says:
ok?
yana. i let my fraility take the wheel. says:
lol. jo and eunice.
By the time you read this, you've already read it says:
OK?
yana. i let my fraility take the wheel. says:
cannot. they're mine.
and i mean what i say. see what i mean?
;3:35 AM
i know i'm losing you. it's a depressing thought. never thought i'd feel it again. after the first time. and this time, i know i'm not being over sensitive. cos dong feels it too. and this feeeling didn't come cos we're feeling emotional, but it's a fact. i've decided to actually be selfish for once. to keep my friends to myself. no matter how much you say that i'll still be impt to you, i can sense we're drifting further apart. it's like i've lost you to the guys. and it's sucky. don't take it as i'm restricting your circle of friends, i'm not. infact, those guys are my frens too, so why should i? but the fact, you're getting so close to them kinda means to me that i'm losing you. whatever. i'll shut the fuck up.
;1:25 AM
