STORIE x(
Thursday, July 27, 2006
i think i might land myself as a hypocrite. yeah. really.
when the others ignored me, i turned to these several people. and now that i'm on okay terms with the others, im seriously feeling that i might sooner or later neglect the several faithful ones like how i used to do before. however, they were the ones that stood by me when im down
blah. i don wish to neglect them. and i donnow what to do la
=((
;11:38 PM
i swear i don't know who i am now.
who i wanna be.
who i can trust.
everyone seems to be a fake.
including myself.
who can i lie to when i can't even convince myself that i'm okay with being like this.
it seems like my place in your heart is too small for you to even feel affected.
sigh.
;2:14 AM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
what i wouldn't give just to have one more chance. i'm sick of being happy all the time. i wanna be sad. i wanna be sad, and not have someone asking me why. i just wanna be quiet. and reflect about my life.
it seems like, im tired of smiling so widely when i see certain people. it's not that i don't wanna say hi, or i'm pissed with you. smiling, takes alot of effort, to me, especially if it's not needed. so when i see you, and i don't smile, and you walk away feeling pissed cos i didnt smile, i feel plain tired. if we have always been on good terms, you shld know, i love you no matter what. the smile doesn't potray how much i love/cherish you.
sometimes, i just feel like staring into someone's face, and they won't get the wrong idea about it. but it's pretty impossible isn't it. i feel tired & sick.
yes i do. i feel empty also. i don't know why. you know, sometimes i look back, and i wonder why. why don't i have this just one friend who i know i can confide about anything with? its kinda tough when you have this one whole grp, but none which you can really confide in.
i'm just spitting shit. don't mind me. yeah.
haruskah aku katakan sesungguhnya.
kau sudah berubah.
aku tak suka. =/
;11:51 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
sometimes, i feel like giving up. daddy's sick. and he really sick. and i pity him. nenek's sick. she doesn't even feel hot water on her right leg. and she still has to help out with the housework. mama has to work . and by the time she's home, she has to clean, do the laundry and entertain my younger brother.
i'm tired. just from school. from all the hw. and all the deadlines which has passed. i'm worried about my o's. and, if i can get tired from jus this, i wonder how mama feels. yet, she doesn't complain. and all she's asking is, a little help from me. yet, i can get so reluctant at it. i've nver tried to understand her, but i still strongly feel she doesn't try to understand me too.
despite that, i know she's being the best mom she can ever be. somehow, it doesn't seem to impress me. i know i'm sucha ungrateful daughter. still, that doesn't stop me from hurting her heart. and somehow, it hurts me knowing i've hurt her. i really don't know. i feel like giving up. and i'm tired of keeping up this facade.
at times, i just wonder, why am i born in this family. see how ungrateful i can get. but seeing how, my friends all around me can just buy anything they want, or get anything they desire, i wonder why mama can't fulfil my little little desires. i know she's been doing
all she can. infact, everytime we go out, she doesn't even get a little something for herself.
i'm such a ungrateful daughter and i know, something deep inside me does not want to repent. but mama, i still love you. )':
;2:43 AM
Friday, July 07, 2006
can i just say something?
nenek has been talking about how she's in pain. how god doesn't love her anymore. and talking like she's
going soon.
=( sigh.
;7:42 AM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
HAHA. im a happy bitch. she don't like you. =P
yana. life is wonderful. (: says:
hmmm. means u don like iggie?
JOANNE says:
yeah.
hahah. maybe she's gonna scream when she sees this. but i'm a happy bitch can? yipee yippee.
i'm sure NAD'S happy too. ((: lalalalala` LIFE IS WONDERFUL. =D
updated.
JOANNE says:
haha
JOANNE says:
i wont scream cos i really dont like himmm. yeah
yana. life is wonderful. (: says:
YIPEEEEE.
((((((((((:
;3:22 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
ok. i let them read the blog. so i donno where this is going. prolly, we're just gonna forget it all.
shane is an asshole. really. i'm gonna settle my scores with him tmr. he better watch out cos if not, he's gonna get one tight slap from me. really. iggie is a sucker. disgusting.
i'm nice. i know. [=
;3:09 AM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
i'm not gonna post there cause i'm not gonna give you the pleasure of reading whatever i feel deep inside. anyway, who the fuck ever said anything abt you not able to have more friends huh? did it come out from my mouth? it fucking didnt right. so? what's the big hoo-haa about you wanting to have your own friends.? nobody has ever restricted you from it sia. it sick how you can misintepret my stand on this relationship and make it to look like i'm at fault, some bitch who doesn't understand the meaning of someone having more frens than one. i'm not some selfish bitch ok. if i was right from the start, i wouldn't have introduced my frens to you, nor asked them to talk to you.
you said you wouldn't let this go without tryin to save it. then what happened ? why didnt you reply to my fucking msg when i replied you abt what's wrong. i knew i din wanna say it to you. know why? cos the last time i did, you freaking changed. not the jo i knew anymore. i didnt wanna you to change. but i tot, i rather tell you the truth than hide stuff from you. and what do i get for telling the truth? you shun me like some piece of shit. like all this while, i've been a fucking bitch, not allowing you to have your own friends. i have a life. and it doesnt only revolvews around you.
yes, im aware i may hurt you with this post, but who's gonna care about the pain i feel inside? its not gonna help if i only care about your feelings and forget mine right. anyway, you have that whole grp caring abt you. so yeah.
dong and i have decided. we're just gonna mind our own business. we're not gonna care. if you need us, we'll always be there. if you don, den we don gif a shit. let us be dummies. like a spare tyre. we're numb abt it. its been too many times that i've gone thru this shit anyway.
now don't you go ard, making me look like a heartless bitch, cos i aint one. well maybe, all this while i've been a too sensitive bitch. yeah. maybe. what the fuck.
i no longer give a shit, cause i've given up on us.
;7:51 PM
